So I just finished watching a Netflix movie called In the Bone - this movie portrays a girl, 20 named Ellen who is suffering the eating disorder Anorexia Nervosa. I won't get too much into the movie or the disorder because I am not qualified to do so. I watched it because it is the opposite of the book I am currently reading, Hunger: A Memoir of (My) Body.
I will link both movie and book at the end of my blog.
I touch on a lot about body image and what sort of hold it has over us. And while watching this movie it shows the other drastic side to other scale (no pun intended) of someone who doesn't love the way they look because of their size, and that size is drastically thin.
When people talk eating disorders I guess most people would automatically think Anorexia or Bulimia, but why don't people see being Obese as an eating disorder, or even just a disorder in itself?
Is it because the media and social media for that matter and the way people are programmed that they think being Obese (my size) is of our own doing. Of course it is of our own doing, being fucking fat isn't easy! But what gets me we are willing to help people with eating disorders BUT only if they're suffering from Anorexia or Bulimia (that is what I got from this movie).
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Let's touch on Weight Loss Surgery - as a tool or therapy for Obese people. Generally this surgical decision comes with it's costs to people's judgements. One of them is that we are taking the easy way out of losing weight. I have spoken about this before so I won't go into that all over again. But when WE choose the decision to have this surgery - it's part of OUR therapy, OUR healing process.
For some exercise is a healing process - or even eating healthy - for me I hate BOTH. I hate exercise with a passion. I don't get endorphins from it, I don't get that "sweat is fat crying", I don't LOVE exercise and I never will. Stop telling a FAT person to exercise and ALL your troubles will go away.
Oh and on that - just off topic - when someone who's got depression don't say exercise is a better option to Anti-depressants. Unless you have lived in the mind of someone who's had this you can't comment on which method they choose to use to help them deal with their demons.
And eating healthy - yes I do LOVE a good salad, I love my vegetables. In fact I would be quite happy to sit there for a week and just eat a good vegetable every night. Oh heaven forbid a FAT person actually likes vegetables. We don't just sit around and eat KFC and Maccas all day. But as soon as a FAT person puts that shit in their mouth, they're judged for it.
FOOD SHAMING - and this was shown in the movie. The poor girl who obviously has a problem with food, she can't eat, she doesn't WANT TO EAT. And her step mum (bless her silly soul) brings out a cake that looks like hamburger with words "Eat up Ellen" on it. Do you know how insulting that would be to someone who is suffering a disorder?
Fat people get the shame too - don't put that in your mouth, because do you honestly need it? You know if you just swapped that bag of chips for an apple it would be a better option.
Our bodies tell us to crave certain foods, or certain tastes during the day. I know for one as I am sitting here typing this I am actually craving a salad sandwich with a glass of water. See a fat person isn't driving to Maccas for a Large Big Mac meal with a sundae on the side. For nearly 4 years I am denied my body the luxury of Food because of my lap banding. Because certain foods would get stuck or I knew it would take too long to eat something. Now with no restriction I am enjoying food again and the flavours. Yes I have put weight back on - but honestly. I am HUMAN. I am not some robot that should be eating this or that and certain portion sizes because society thinks I should be.
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I am sort of blabbering on a bit and not really focusing on a point with this blog - but the movie really had my emotions in a good way and also a bad. I cried in the movie - don't get me wrong. It was horrible to watch. Because ironically I could relate to the story. I could relate to the young girl - the young girl who doesn't want to eat food. I can relate because this young woman obviously has been told certain things, had certain things done to her - that makes her hate her own body. Makes her question herself. Makes her doubt what her body is capable of.
She doesn't love herself - and you can see that watching the movie. I won't give too much away.
So while I am sitting here typing this - with water welling in my eyes. I can honestly say I don't love myself. And no amount of weight loss surgery, dieting, healthy eating, exercise will CHANGE that point that view. This blog was about self reflection and I am about to type all the things I HATE about myself....
- My Size
- My Legs
- My Face
- My Arms
- My Body
I hate them because I have been told by certain people in certain ways I need to change something about that physical appearance to make ME more APPEALING to THEM. That's right - I hate all those things about ME because someone decided that they don't like that thing about me so I need to obviously do something about it to make THEM happy...
Doesn't sound right does it?
But now I am going to type 5 things I try and LOVE about myself
- The fact my body, no matter the size has carried and birthed (naturally) 3 beautiful children
- My humour
- My Warmth
- My Strength
- How dependable I can be
Notice not one of those things listed is about my looks or size. And the 1st point is the biggest of them all. My body even when I was at my smallest and largest carried a baby. And I birthed them and loved them and to this day still love them. I tell them with my warmth how much they're loved and cherished and how much they mean the world to them. My humour allows me to hide behind my size but also deal with social situations I don't generally like. My strength, I can still get up at 2am to do a baking shift at work after 3 children. And I can come home and still be a mum, wife and housekeeper. And I am dependable because if someone ever needs me, I will always try and help them.
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STOP looking at the size of what someone is - start looking at WHO they are. All these facebook pages asking for opinions on "Fat Tax" to help deal with an epidemic (oh yep us Obese people are an epidemic did you know that? We are just like the plague and polio... we are such a horrible burden on society that we are eradicating the population).
You know what a Fat person needs - it's the same as a person with Anorexia or Bulimia... we need support. We need to be told that we are beautiful, loved and not a problem to society. We also need therapy if we want to - because being Obese can be (and I dare say 100% of the time) a mental health problem. There are people out there that choose to be obese or overweight and I give my hats to them for going against what the "perfect" world wants. I don't know if I will ever get to that point.
I hope to wake up in a world where people can be looked at for who they are - and not what they look like. But we all know that can't happen. Because the world needs people to judge us on what we look like, what we eat, how we exercise, how we work, play, sleep... and it needs to stop. Stop looking at me as a STATISTIC - because at the moment I am not one. I am a bloody human who has feelings, a heart, a soul and love for my family. And if at any point in my life I thought I was jeopardising those points - I would do something about it myself for me NOT FOR YOU and what your ideals of what a human should look like.
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Just on the last little bit - everyone and everybody deserves to be happy - and sometimes it's through the simple act of words that can change that persons outlook for the day. Don't focus on someone's appearance to give them a compliment. Tell them something about them that makes you happy to be in their lives.
If you can't tell them to their face, send it in a text or in a note. A simple few words can make more changes to someone's esteem then telling them they look slimmer today...
