Isolation...

Woke up today feeling flat... it's been a busy week. Sons birthday yesterday and I finally stopped at around 9pm last night.

And today the flatness has set in. And with it comes the over thinking and isolation feelings. Today's probably a good day where I'm not on Facebook as it's days like this I tend to share stuff instead of dealing with the way I'm feeling and why I'm feeling it.

I hurt easy and when someone can't understand why I'm hurt it hurts me more. Even if telling them plain as day to their face why I'm feeling this way and they don't consider how I feel makes it worse. I've tried super hard this past year to open up and be a little bit more vulnerable. But when it's thrown back in your face you tend to shut down again.

I don't want much from this person. Honestly all I want is for them to understand my stance and reason... I feel very strongly about the way someone treats you and how you're treated back.
If someone treats you with respect you generally give respect back, yes? What if years and years of hurtful words, actions, comments and rudeness is just too much for one person? Should that person be allowed to feel resentment to the one person who's meant to support them? Especially if you've told that one person countless times how shit being in situations makes them feel.

No one should be made to feel;
Ignored
Unloved
Hurt
Isolated

But I do... I feel all those things when I'm put into a situation I don't want to be in. If I do put myself in those siuationa I come out of it feeling worse and my moods swing and anxiety sets in. But I put myself in those situations because if I don't I'm made out to be the bad one. Ironic isn't it... ironic because putting myself in a vulnerable position not to be hurt makes me feel hurt anyway.

So I isolate myself - and isolation is quite lonely. But it helps you from getting hurt. Or does it?

Everyone is entitled and deserving of respect  - but at the same time. Respect needs to be earned in my books that bridge burned years ago.