So here we are 21 days free of posting on Facebook - I've been using instagram more but because of how public I make my posts I'm more aware of what I do share on there.
I've also started cleaning out my friends list - this isn't to create nastiness and I'm certainly not being malicious about it. I'm just trying to create a better environment for me to come back to. And that's if I come back to it at all... I was getting too wound up over trivial stuff. That's not healthy.
I have been scrolling through my feed and it's amazing how much I've "missed". I say missed like that because honestly the only way I'd know half the things is because of Facebook. So I'm scared to completely remove myself from there for that reason.
21 days to change a habit they say. Do I think I've changed a habit? Yeh I think I do. I'm not sharing content like I used to. The people who I thought I'd continue being in contact with I have... and I've reached out to a couple of people I wanted to or needed to. Other than that I'm really not surprised in the lack of give fucks from anyone... oh and that's not me whinging and sitting in a corner crying nobody loves me lol, that's the harsh reality I guess of social media it creates a buffer for everyone to become complacent with relationships.
People rely on your stories to be plastered and all they need to do is like here or there to make themselves feel important and that they're still watching. Hey I'm guilty of this! I'm not saying I haven't done similar. That's a big reason I set this challenge; to see how I treated my relationships.
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With me being switched off more I've also been able to concentrate on me for once. Nothing wrong with being selfish once in a while. But I needed to get back to helping my self before helping others.
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Some people may be taking what I type in here as a personal attack or I'm testing their loyalty to me. That's not it at all! I'm testing loyalty to my family and overall myself. I didn't start this blog to attack people's perception. I started it as an open diary. A diary where you can step into my mind and see what goes through my head. And most of the time it's crap lol
I used Facebook as a way of hiding behind my social anxiety (which yes I've self diagnosed but I'm more than certain I have). Facebook was a way for me to have "friends" and look like I had my shit together. When in reality I didn't. I still don't funnily enough. I still constantly worry what people think of me, worry that I say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing. Facebook allowed me to have wall up but also a wall down. I don't have the perfect marriage, house, kids or life.... but Facebook probably made it seem like I did/do.
Now I'm opening up and letting you know how bloody raw it actually is with this blog.
So please before you assume I'm testing you with my Facebook hiatus I'm not... I'm testing myself.
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