That's actually one of my favourite songs and currently is on my Spotify playlist - it's a song that I used to sing to at the pub, blind off my face. Before being married and before kids... when I thought the world was revolved around me and how much money I could save from $100 after drinking...
Fast forward to now - married for 13 years and three kids. H, M and J - I didn't even think about marriage or kids back in those days. I mean, I was with my now husband but the thought never entered our conversations or topic. We never knew about things like PND, mental illness, sensory processing issues, fussy eaters and the big one AUTISM.
And that's why after so long from blogging I have decided to come back and do a little blog on Autism and how it has changed us as a family unit.
Like I said, before we had kids we had no idea anything existed besides....well CHILDREN. I have began studying Cert III in Teacher's Aide and even knowing about ASD and other behavioural things there is still stuff out there that I had no idea existed. Our middle daughter M was diagnosed with High Functioning Autism back when she was 4.5 in kinder and from memory I have already blogged about that back when I first started this page. But this post isn't about her... it's about our little boy, our last baby who was recently diagnosed HFA - or Level 1 Autism.
Hearing those words again wasn't as hard as the first time. Even though we had been fighting to hear them since he was 3.5 years of age it came as no shock. He was struggling at school to interact with other children, he would play but it was more of a follow. He had a horrible start to the year and actually didn't officially start school when all the preps did. Do you know how soul crushing that was for me? Not that he didn't want to go to school, but the anxiety he must of felt - how horrible his tummy must of been hurting to make himself sick. And there was nothing I could do but comfort him. He slowly transitioned into school and actually did really well. His teacher, what can I say. She is beyond amazing! She has done wonders for him, and I worry we won't get the same teacher for him next year.
So two weeks before he turned 6 he got that diagnosis. Like I said I didn't really react as much as I did with M. But I will be honest and say right now it's hurting so bad inside I don't know what else to do but type it out.
J is such a sweet little soul - he loves being loved, he cuddles and loves kisses. He adores to chat about his loves and interests (Dinosaurs and Animals). He loves to draw and colour in and honestly if you didn't know any better you could say he was a very NT boy. But that's where the "normal" stops. He doesn't like to be hugged or kissed unless he wants to - and this includes extended family. He finds it hard to look you in the eye when talking, he's not being rude but he just doesn't feel comfortable - that also comes to talking to you or trying to answer. He sometimes really struggles and will get me to answer for him. I am tying to encourage him to talk and it's slowly getting there.
He's possessive of his stuff - toys, balloons, paper, textas, pencils, anything really that is "his". I never really understood when he did it and I had honestly never seen him do it. But last week for his birthday his cousin touched his balloons, and the anxiety that came across him. It was almost instant, I couldn't and still don't understand why he felt that way. It's something I need to learn and help him with.
There is so much more to his little quirks that I could be here typing about all night - but honestly this isn't the reason for the post/blog.
I want people to understand how hard it is for US as parents to help raise these little souls. How much time and effort we put into their needs and wants. The therapy, the meetings with schools, phone calls, appointments and most of all the meltdowns. I am not shrugging off the fact that raising children in general isn't hard - but raising on with special needs just adds a little more to our shoulders.
We don't need judgment, we don't need the eye rolls... we need the smiles and encouraging comments. My sister in law tonight messaged me and said how well I handled J tonight after his meltdown. Just something as simple as that reminds me that I am doing the best I can with what I have got. This parenting gig is bloody hard as it is!!!
So here goes from an Autism Mummy
My son has Autism, my daughter has Autism. Two out of three of my children have Autism. Because of this I have my own super powers - I can hear the snide remarks, I can see the eye rolls, I can sense when you think my child just needs to "suck it up" or my child needs get "over it". What would you actually like him to get over? His Autism? Maybe YOU yourself should get over it. Get over the fact you DON'T understand Autism, you DON'T understand what a meltdown is and you also don't do enough research of your own to understand not ONE autistic child is the same as another!!!! They're all different and they all showcase different things at different times.
My son's meltdowns can range and only I as a parent know when he's having one. It hurts when you think my child is just being a normal child, when I can feel his pain and feel his anxiety. I am trying to make him feel safe in this world where men are told not to cry and not to show emotion. I am trying to make him understand his feelings and you doubting his makes it harder for me...
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