The middle child...

They say the middle child is often the forgotten one - the one with "issues" or special.

Well... I can speak for my husband that yes he is special ;)

But I'm here to talk about my own middle child. She's a bit special and that's because she is so full of character and stubbornness that she has so much potential she doesn't even know she has.

At 4 years of age she was diagnosed with HFA (high functioning autism). Getting that diagnosis was a hard road because you get the constant comments she can't have autism. The problem is she was mimicking other kids behavior and blending in - it's what she does and how she perfected fitting in. But she can't control her emotions at home. And anyone that has spent anytime with us where she's not coping knows just how bad she can be.

But you know what - no one besides my husband or myself have really witnessed it so it's hard for people to see how hard it is for us.

And yes it is hard - bloody hard! It's hard because we can't find a psych to help her... most aren't able to give her the right tools and we end up spending money for nothing. It's also hard because she doesn't display this behavior outside the home we need to fight a little harder to be heard. It's getting a bit easier as most people now believe me when I say she's volatile at home some days.  I also tell them to research HFA in girls and why they fly under the radar compared to say a boy of the same diagnosis. But you also have to understand autism is a scale and a large one. What one child may suffer the next may not.

We changed schools last year... many people were quick to judge my decision. I don't know why but when your not being heard or listened it was time to make the decision. They knew of her HFA from day one but made minimal effort to listen to my concerns, especially in the 1st year of her schooling. I had meetings and her prep teacher at the time just wasn't following through and it became apparent wasn't pushing to help her. I understand they had another 20 pupils but had they listened in the first place maybe we would've been in a different place when she stepped into grade 1. She had made no connections with children as she had relied on her sister in the playground. When the seniors were moved to a different playtime she lost that connection and had no one. It was hard because of course after school we copped it.
More meetings were had and while her new teacher was more forthcoming it wasn't enough. She was falling behind in academic areas too because she was so emotionally drained!.. heading into term 4, 2016 we moved to the local Catholic primary... ironically many judged because of course social media plays a big part on how a school is portrayed. Many were leaving the Catholic to enter the same school we were leaving or another new one opening up this year. The snide comments I got or the views people had were giving me a negative feel to MY choice, OUR choice. And in the back of my head it's always sat until I had my daughters parent teacher interview...

I knew she was starting to fall behind and I was going to ask what steps to take. But before I even got a chance to ask she was already telling me she's been placed into a special maths group to help her get back to level. Here I have been fighting for my daughter(s) for nearly 5 years asking if they are falling behind or struggling to always being told no their fine. And it took a new school and new outlook for this to happen. I am able to get feedback where I need - the teachers are able to tell me that yes they're struggling here and this is what we are doing to help. They learn as a grade and those that are struggling get the extra help when required because they can see where they need it. I feel finally OK in my decision to change. I've gone from struggling for feedback to getting everything I need in a 10mins sitting.

And yes it's Catholic  - so yes I know they have the religious aspect. While I don't practice religion nor do I believe in it I also know that my children are now getting an understanding of different beliefs of the world. I don't tell my children what they can believe in and I certainly don't regret they're learning about Jesus and the bible. Since moving they have a more broader view of everything around them and it's something I couldn't teach them.

My middle child may have something special about her but that doesn't define her abilities or who she is. I'm just glad that she now has support and love not just from her home but school community too.