The Last Bit...

When I got married 12 years ago - I didn't think much about the whole process.  We are very laid back people.  We don't love big fancy things, we aren't materialistic and for us our wedding day was always about spending it with people we loved and having a big party.

I didn't care that my dress wasn't "perfect" or that our reception was just a golf club with a small dance floor filled with our own music playlist we made up.  That was us...

But one thing that I could never move or "warm" to was the tradition of changing my last name.

For many it's just a name - and I fully understand that.  For me it has always been so much more.

Why is the assumption that when a woman marries a man, she should need to conform to society and change it?  Does changing your last name mean you love your husband more?  Does it mean you're leaving you life behind?  Does it mean you're changing your identity?  Should mean nothing - and it should always solely be up to the woman if she wishes to change her name.  No one bats and eye if a professional woman chooses to keep her maiden name for good reasons - but when  I chose not to fully take my husbands I got some very odd comments.

"Don't you love Alan?"
"It's what you have to do"
"It's just a name..."

And yes my last name is JUST A NAME - maiden or married.

My maiden name held a lot more to me than just a last name.  It was my ties to a family who loved me more than anything - who supported me and encouraged me.  They helped me through the breakdown of my school life and the shittiest part of my teenager years.  It was also my ties to my heritage; who I was - my connection I suppose to a Grandfather I had never met. 
So I decided to hyphenate my last name until I was ready to "cut" those ties. 

12 years later I still have a dual last name on most of my personal documents like bills, banking, licence and anything else of importance.  Though my medical side is married name, we knew we wanted kids quite early in our marriage and I knew that having the same last name as the baby is less paperwork and also less confusing (sad point haha).

Today my licence renewal came in the mail - it's also the year of our cruise where I need to get a Passport - and I also need to get a Working with Children's.  Obtaining two of these items requires proof of who I am.  I need to decide which side of the fence I sit on.  Keeping my maiden name, my ties to my family or changing (conforming) to my married name.  I made that decision a while back but today I am blogging about it to let people understand how hard this process can be for some people. 

It's NOT just a name I am changing - in some ways it feels like I am losing my Dad once more.  That's the hardest part in all of this I suppose.  Losing him once more, not physically of course... but losing the one thing that he gave me is hard for me to cope with.  It's also an acceptance thing - when you feel like you don't belong in certain walks of life - and you're a circle being shoved in a square box...I don't think I will ever feel accepted and I think I am finally OK with that.
Then if that's the way I feel, why am I changing it?  Why don't I just put my foot down and just let people understand this is my decision?  Ultimately I am doing this to make things easier to apply for, like my working with children's.  Plus changing my medicare details is more of a pain in the arse than the rest LOL.  Changing them would mean doctors, school, centrelink.  Simply changing my licence is just that my licence - the rest would follow. 

When it comes to my children to get married I am going to make sure I support their decision in whatever they want to do - heck if Jacob wants to change his last name so be it!  It's not the end of the world and it's his choice.  I don't want my kids to feel the pressures of "tradition" if it's something they're not comfortable in doing.  They will have their reasons - just as I have mine. 

There was never a right or wrong answer to this, a right or wrong time.  There was however a choice to make.  It was never an easy one.. this decision may seem so small compared to other big things that you need to decide upon - but for some this decision can rattle many people's views.  But the only view that should matter, is yours.